you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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