South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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