Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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