Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Are my feet made of real feet?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
