I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
