can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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