$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
