Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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