Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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