I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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