Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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