I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
