Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
