My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
