Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
