She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
