Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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