Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
