I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
