I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
