WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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