Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
