highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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