I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
