Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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