I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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