May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
