If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im part way to drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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