I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
