69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
