"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
worst night to have a conscience
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We don't watch enough power rangers
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
