Cold hands, warm shart.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
