i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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