I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
