At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
