i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
