does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
