the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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