Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
