trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
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Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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