they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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