its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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