I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My life is pants optional.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
