man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
