So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
