does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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