is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
