cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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