so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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