So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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