me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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