while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
