you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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