he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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