Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
