I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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