I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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