i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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