I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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