Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
