is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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