So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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