yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
