i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this beer tastes like vomit already
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
