I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
