Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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