The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
