Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
